Reflections

Now that I’ve been home for over 2 months, I’ve had a chance to reflect back on how these months have helped me to adjust back into my life in America. I would say it took about a month for me to adjust being back home, with home meaning being in the American culture and home meaning living at home with my family and reconnecting with my friends. The first day back I went to the mall with my family to get a new phone. I stepped into the mall and walked slowly down the hall, just kinda taking it all in. I had been to malls in Honduras, but that was a treat when we went. I was tired and overwhelmed that day as well, which didn’t help things.

I was delighted that I could now drink water out of the tap and that I could throw my toilet paper in the toilet. If there was a trash near the toilet, I actually had to think twice about not putting the paper in it! I had reliable wireless internet whenever I wanted, consistently hot showers, carpet, couches and big comfy chairs and no abnormally large bugs to worry about.
Another aspect of my life I had to get used to again was being able to drive myself…in a car. Literally for the first week I don’t think I touched a steering wheel. I slowly drove more and more often and it’s just like riding a bike: it comes back to you pretty quickly. Seeing my old form of transportation on the highways around the US (buses) made me gag a little in my mouth.

Not hearing Spanish everyday was one thing I had to get used to as well. I actually miss it and prefer to be hearing it everyday. Whenever I’m at work and hear people speaking Spanish, I try to see if I can understand what they’re talking about. I’m setting goals for myself to keep up on it while I’m here, whether that’s through my job, volunteer opportunities, or just studying/reviewing things myself.
An additional thing I’ve noticed is how I handle crowds. When I was at the mall, in Chicago this summer, and at a Jack Johnson concert I experienced some crowd anxiety. There were just too many people around me, taking over my personal space; I wasn’t used to being with so many people in one place and it kinda freaked me out. I just wanted to get away and be in open spaces.

Connecting with my family and friends again was actually probably the hardest part. It’s difficult to describe. I felt like they in some ways didn’t understand me, the way I viewed life in the States, certain issues seemed more important to me after living in a developing country, and just readjusting to the flow of daily life here. I hadn’t physically seen many of my friends and family in months, so having a face to face conversation with them was different. The fact that I had to be dependent again on my parents for a vehicle, a place to stay, letting them know my schedule was hard to adjust to after being independent in Honduras for a year. Granted there I didn’t have to worry about a car, health insurance, and all these other things that come with living in the United States as an adult. But after about a month, I grew comfortable in my surroundings here again, and life was back to ‘normal.’

Sometimes I miss the pace of life in Honduras. Time isn't so rigid. This was great for me and not. I am often just on time or slightly late, so telling me to come somewhere at 7 and its ok to show up 15 minutes late is fine with me! But then schedules aren't predictable either. A bus may say it leaves at 4pm, but then may arrive early...or an hour late. People visit with family and friends, stop working to have a conversation, yet work very hard to provide. The pace of life in Villa Verde was especially refreshing; being able to look out over the valley every morning, enjoy the sound of the river, climb/run Celaque, play with the neighbor kids, and just relax. Its an interesting tension being an American in a country that lives at that pace. In one sense, its great because it taught me to slow down, think, talk, relax, just be. But in the other sense, certain things Americans/Westerners are used to having done quickly and efficiently, aren't always done that way there. A few examples: lines at the bank, bus schedules, meeting someone somewhere. Those things got to me and made me miss the way those things were done in America. I believe experiences like living in Honduras though can teach me to take back a piece of that culture back here: taking time to just be, have a conversation and not be in such a hurry all the time.

I knew coming back from Honduras was going to be awesome and difficult at the same time, and I was right.